About Rod D. Martin
Praise for Rod D. Martin
Book Rod to Speak
Politics & Economics
Technology & Markets
Faith & Culture
A Hypothetical Situation That Makes a Much Bigger Lesson Easier to Understand
From Rod’s Success Secrets. Click here for the rest of the ongoing series.
by Rod D. Martin
January 7, 2016
You would be surprised how many people don’t accept a breath mint when it’s offered to them.
Maybe you’ve refused one yourself. You shouldn’t have.
If someone offers you a breath mint, they might just be being polite. If so, you may not want a mint just then, but it’s rarely polite or kind to turn down someone’s offered generosity.
But more likely, if they offered you a mint, you needed it. You just didn’t realize it.
It’s amazing how much, ahem, offense you can give without knowing it.
The first lesson of breath mints is that you should strive to pick up on the subtleties of life. People tell you things you need to know all the time: what it will take to close the sale, that they’re agitated, that they’re not feeling well, that you’re upsetting them in some way, that they’re crazy about you, all sorts of things. Experts tell us that 93% of communication is non-verbal – 55% body language and 38% tone of voice – while just 7% is verbal.
If you missed the breath mint hint, which was spoken, how do you think you did on the other 93% of what was “said”?
But there’s a much bigger lesson.
The person who refused the breath mint thought to himself, “I don’t need one.” He didn’t think, “what if someone else needs me to have one?”
There’s a world of difference in those two statements. The first isn’t really an assessment of need: it’s a statement of want, or rather the lack thereof. It’s a personal preference: “right now, I’m not in the mood for a breath mint.”
The second is a statement of concern for the other person: “okay, I don’t necessarily want a breath mint, but maybe I’m offending this person.” It is a tiny expression of the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is putting the other person ahead of yourself.
(And anyway, trust me: you probably need the breath mint. You probably need one right now.)
The breath mint rule isn’t about breath mints: it’s about abandoning the self-absorption of childhood and actively thinking of the needs of others, in all things.
Children believe that manners are just lists of dos and don’ts, onerous burdens placed upon them for very little reason. Adults understand, or ought to, that manners are about showing kindness and respect. Children think the world revolves around them. Mature people understand that the exact opposite is and ought to be true.
This is, in point of fact, the difference between civilization and barbarism.
Barbarism is about getting one’s own way. It is based on strength: the strongest is considered the best. One shows his strength by doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants (and let us be clear, it is most definitely “he,” because in the absence of the unnatural concern for those weaker which is characteristic of Christendom and those cultures influenced by it, “she” is generally just chattel). Barbarism needs no manners because it has fists. Respect is paid in proportion to them.
Civilization values all, and the measure of a civilization is at least in part how broadly “all” is defined. This does not mean that a civilization should put up with bad behavior – rudeness, murder, what have you – but it does mean that it should treat all with dignity, not based upon their strength but based upon their being. Jefferson said that this is because all people share certain unalienable rights. Jefferson inherited this idea from Christians who believed that everyone is equally created in the image of God.
Manners are the necessary outworking of civilization. Losing them is bad for business. It’s also a dangerous portent for the future.
Many parents of the past two generations have failed to teach basic manners, much less this, to their children. Many of them did not know or appreciate it themselves. But it’s not too late for you.
Military officers have “Fork and Knife School” and entrepreneurs and other leaders can do likewise. There are many business etiquette courses available, some of them online. There are books – Amy Vanderbilt, Emily Post and Judith Martin are probably the best – and blogs and many other resources as well.
Successful people take the breath mint. They think about the needs of others. They seek out the information being conveyed without words. They don’t just lollygag through life, thinking the world is all about them.
It’s time to grow up.
This article appeared in Inc. Magazine, and originally appeared as an answer on Quora. Later, it was featured as the subject of a news story in The Independent over in the UK. Really!
Rod is one of our nation’s leading minds. He’s smart, original, and very committed—a combination that one rarely finds.
Rod Martin and [former Howard Dean campaign manager] Joe Trippi are America’s two foremost experts on online politics.
Rod Martin is a Reaganite-Thatcherite conservative…[and] a man who has spent much of his life ministering to and working for the benefit of others. I know Rod as an advocate for freedom, a leader who understands the real changes we need in Washington, and who has the drive and ability to make those changes happen.
Rod Martin is the kind of dynamic leader who has the knowledge, ability and experience to lead us successfully into the 21st Century. His vision for America is compelling.
Rod Martin literally wrote the book on excellence. Humble yet brilliant, a man of love and compassion, with penetrating clarity he illuminates the world around us, and we are both stirred and enlightened.
Rod Martin is a born leader and an outstanding political mind. Anyone who takes him on is going to have a serious fight on their hands.
Rod Martin is a man of uncommon vision and character. Ever since I first worked alongside Rod in the early days of PayPal, I’ve been struck by his powerful vision for the future. Rod understands the intersection of technology, politics and culture in a way that few others do.
Rod Martin wears with uncommon grace an uncanny ability to link his vigorous faith to the practical challenges of both the business world and the political arena. Yet the respect he shows for others carries a warmth and modesty that are both too rare among those who are strong advocates of feisty positions.
America badly needs more leaders who really get the future. We need more Rod Martins.
Rod Martin is a modern day philosopher-statesman. He is a capitalist intellectual, a conservative iconoclast, a gentle adversary and a kind prophet. He inspires us towards a fresh national vision built upon the original founding principles.
Rod Martin is not only effective and efficient, but he is also perceptive, wise and gracious. He gets things done. He is a great friend and a great ally.
Rod is one of the sharpest, most gracious men I know, and one of the most gifted political thinkers today. His ability to analyze issues and communicate thoughtful insights on them have earned him the respect of people across the political spectrum.
I am proud to have been Rod Martin’s friend for a quarter century, and I can tell you that he is one of the finest men and most outstanding leaders in our church and in our country today. He has a knack for turning everything he touches to success.
Rod Martin is a cornucopian entrepreneur and eutropic thinker whose influence radiates through an array of companies, institutions, movements and churches. A renaissance American, he is also a prolific friend of freedom and faith around the globe.
If Rod Martin represents the next generation of leaders, America has nothing to worry about.
A leader and a servant, in public life and in private, Rod Martin strides at the top of his profession, and has nowhere to go but up. He is in the truest sense of the word ‘outstanding’.
Rod Martin is undoubtedly one of the most accomplished thought leaders today. He is a wonderful mentor, a humble role model, and a deep inspiration for the next generation of scientific innovators and entrepreneurs.
Rod’s achievements pale beside his character and his brilliance. He sees what others can’t. He leads when others won’t.
Rod Martin is one of America’s finest young minds.
You must be logged in to post a comment.